The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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