The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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