Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
