And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
