The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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