i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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