he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
