I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
