I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
honey bunches of taint.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
