SEEEEXXX PLEASE
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
