Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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