i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
