so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
