Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
