i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
