I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
