it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
