Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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