Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
