i just had sex bonerless
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
