considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
