No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
