I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
