After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
