well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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