Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
