What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I puked a lego.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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