thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
