Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
