my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
