I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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