In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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