My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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