the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize