I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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