I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
