I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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