Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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