i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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