My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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