I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
