Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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