Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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