Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
