Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
