there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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