I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize