OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
