Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
