i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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