dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
