He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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