is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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