i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
