Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
