end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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