Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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