Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
