It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
