im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
