Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
