I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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