I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
