im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize