Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
