I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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