yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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